Last night I walked my dog, Mandy, for the last time. She was deliriously happy for the exercise, but collapsed and didn't move for the rest of the night once we finally got inside. Can't blame her.
Today I was woken at 6 am by my mother, telling me my father intended to take Mandy to the vet in half an hour. I got up as if automated, not yawning or stretching, just sort of moving, getting clothes on, eating a small breakfast, not thinking.
I stroked Mandy's head and scratched her ears as much as I was able. She panted happily to be given attention.
It took some time for my father to get the v an ready for her. He put a towel on the seat, had to move containers and crabbing equipment out of the way. Mandy was able to get down the stairs by herself and into the van with some encouragement, but didn't get on the seats. I rode beside her, continously stroking her hair and petting her body.
It took half an hour to reach the vet's. Mandy kept lifting her head to see the sights, but it was hard for her to stand for long in the bump and grind of the road. Whenever I stopped petting her she would nudge my hand or press her head into my leg, begging for more. I obliged, every time.
When we finally got there, I saw that my sister had arrived before us. I hadn't known she would be there; she had been crying for a long time. Her eyes were red, her hair was wild. Her boyfriend kept his arm around her.
I took Mandy to the sidewalk. She defecated on the pavement, but I couldn't do anything about it. I ignored it. We walked inside, and the nurse put their own leash on her, and led her away. Mandy fought it until my Dad scolded her and told her to behave, and she was walked away whining.
We waited in the room for 10 minutes. I paced and drank water constantly, keeping my face as hard as I could. My dad supported himself against the counter, pretending he was waiting for paperwork. My sister sat in a chair and tried to compose herself.
We were led into a small room to wait further. It was the room over from the room where Jake had been put down. I was silent. My dad asked why I didn't want to go to the Ocean with my mom. I didn't reply. He didn't say anything more.
Mandy was wheeled into the room atop a chest-level tray, bandages on her wrist. She was panting and looked around at us happily, I think happy to see us again. The doctor was there with her, needle at the ready. Me and Jamie pet her head and stroked her. We didn't say anything. This was goodbye. We scratched her head and touched her head. She panted happily. My dad touched my shoulder. I moved aside- the doctor was preparing to inject her.
I held her head as he slid the needle into her arm. She looked around lazily, kept panting. She looked tired. She looked into my eyes and slowly lowered her head against my hand. By the time her head touched the mat she was dead, eyes open, tongue caught between her lips. She was gone. I couldn't say the exact second. Only that between the slow collapse and the touch, she died, looking at me. Wondering, maybe. Going to sleep for the last time.
The doctor checked her body for a pulse as Jamie burst into tears. I couldn't breathe. I didn't breathe. The doctor left the room. We touched her for the last time. My father stroked her head and whispered "Good dog." I kissed her cheek.
It wasn't until I was home and alone that something in me snapped and I cried. I held her in my hands as she died. She was looking at me as she died. She died. She went from a living being of emotion and force to lifeless while I touched her.
She was a brat when she was younger. Always getting into things and bothering Jake. She grew up to be the alpha female. Everyone knew it- she bullied Jake and JJ. And in her final year she was dignified. She no longer bullied, but was respected.
She was a good dog. I miss her.
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Shadecest
WARNING: The following is pure, unabashed smut written for a community LJ for tryinghuman. Do not read if this offends you.
Shadecest
Shade closed the door to her quarters, dimmed the lights, and walked over to her bed. She sat down and stared ahead for a moment, holding her hands in her lap. After a moment, she fidgeted imperceptibly, long fingers gently touching each other. Sliding her hand underneath her pillow, she pulled out the trying human circuit, closed her eyes, and touched it to her chest.
When she opened her eyes, she looked at her long, human fingers, and exhaled quietly through the red lips. She touched them with her fingers- felt the sensation, thick and soft. Her skin was smooth, and she stroked her own cheek, the tingling feeling of the new skin sending a chill down her spine. She was like a gear that had been wound too tight, and finally loosened; the tension went out of her, and she fell back onto the bed, her hair splayed out underneath her like a great white sheet. Boots were gently nudged off.
Her fingers slid through the white streams of her hair, and she gathered it between her fingers and held it up, touching the softness. Her motionless eyes stared at them, stroking a tuft of her hair with a thumb. She let it drop onto her face, feeling the tickling sensation. Her face involuntarily bunched up and she blew the hair off.
It felt nice. She stretched her arms into the hair, closed her eyes, pretending she was awash in a sea of white fur. She curled it around her fingers, looped clusters around her arms. Tiny pricks here and there on her head, pressure. She felt hot. Her heart was beating faster than was normal. She was thinking of her own naked body. She wanted to touch more of herself. Her stoic face scrunched just a little bit, and ruby lips parted to give a moist exhaled.
She pulled the collar down, looked down at the chest the circuit had given her. She plucked the buttons open on the coat, and slowly touched her belly. The coat fell open, exposing her pale, bluish purple nipples, which were already stiff, yet gently stretched into the open air as the heat of the overcoat was replaced by the cool, open air. Shade drifted through the alien sensation, focusing on the tiny details. Tiny tingles and itches around the edges of the aureole that seemed to magnify as she focused on them, the skin thickening and puffing. She could see in her head the blood vessels doing it, the rush of movement in her body. She was aware of the mass of muscles in her breast; and as she slowly pressed her hand into one, squeezed, felt them contract, felt pressure build up and release as her hand did.
She took a nipple between the fingers and pinched, eliciting an gasp that she didn't intend to release. She rubbed the nipple experimentally, seeing which way was the most sensitive. She grasped a tuft of her long hair, and brought the tip to the nipple, stroking it slowly over the pale blue. Her toes curled, and her back pushed off the bed. Her shoulders shook with the movement in her body, and she began to breath harder. She could feel her body becoming a tripoint; three hotspots of neural activity.
Continuing to tickle her nipple with her hair, her other hand slid down her white belly to the lower of her hip, and gently touched the lowest hotspot with her palm, sliding the hand between her legs. It was moist, and warm, and it felt good, and she pressed her hips into her palm and gently ground into her hand, tickling her nipple periodically. It was exhilarating, accelerating. Shade felt the whole of her body tense, suddenly jump, and lost control. She cried out softly. She spasmed as the tension left her, replaced with pleasant tinglings. what she knew were endorphins, pumping through the human flesh. Allowing her body a few minutes to return to a less heightened state, she gently began to explore her body again.
She was a well-greased gear tonight.
Shadecest
Shade closed the door to her quarters, dimmed the lights, and walked over to her bed. She sat down and stared ahead for a moment, holding her hands in her lap. After a moment, she fidgeted imperceptibly, long fingers gently touching each other. Sliding her hand underneath her pillow, she pulled out the trying human circuit, closed her eyes, and touched it to her chest.
When she opened her eyes, she looked at her long, human fingers, and exhaled quietly through the red lips. She touched them with her fingers- felt the sensation, thick and soft. Her skin was smooth, and she stroked her own cheek, the tingling feeling of the new skin sending a chill down her spine. She was like a gear that had been wound too tight, and finally loosened; the tension went out of her, and she fell back onto the bed, her hair splayed out underneath her like a great white sheet. Boots were gently nudged off.
Her fingers slid through the white streams of her hair, and she gathered it between her fingers and held it up, touching the softness. Her motionless eyes stared at them, stroking a tuft of her hair with a thumb. She let it drop onto her face, feeling the tickling sensation. Her face involuntarily bunched up and she blew the hair off.
It felt nice. She stretched her arms into the hair, closed her eyes, pretending she was awash in a sea of white fur. She curled it around her fingers, looped clusters around her arms. Tiny pricks here and there on her head, pressure. She felt hot. Her heart was beating faster than was normal. She was thinking of her own naked body. She wanted to touch more of herself. Her stoic face scrunched just a little bit, and ruby lips parted to give a moist exhaled.
She pulled the collar down, looked down at the chest the circuit had given her. She plucked the buttons open on the coat, and slowly touched her belly. The coat fell open, exposing her pale, bluish purple nipples, which were already stiff, yet gently stretched into the open air as the heat of the overcoat was replaced by the cool, open air. Shade drifted through the alien sensation, focusing on the tiny details. Tiny tingles and itches around the edges of the aureole that seemed to magnify as she focused on them, the skin thickening and puffing. She could see in her head the blood vessels doing it, the rush of movement in her body. She was aware of the mass of muscles in her breast; and as she slowly pressed her hand into one, squeezed, felt them contract, felt pressure build up and release as her hand did.
She took a nipple between the fingers and pinched, eliciting an gasp that she didn't intend to release. She rubbed the nipple experimentally, seeing which way was the most sensitive. She grasped a tuft of her long hair, and brought the tip to the nipple, stroking it slowly over the pale blue. Her toes curled, and her back pushed off the bed. Her shoulders shook with the movement in her body, and she began to breath harder. She could feel her body becoming a tripoint; three hotspots of neural activity.
Continuing to tickle her nipple with her hair, her other hand slid down her white belly to the lower of her hip, and gently touched the lowest hotspot with her palm, sliding the hand between her legs. It was moist, and warm, and it felt good, and she pressed her hips into her palm and gently ground into her hand, tickling her nipple periodically. It was exhilarating, accelerating. Shade felt the whole of her body tense, suddenly jump, and lost control. She cried out softly. She spasmed as the tension left her, replaced with pleasant tinglings. what she knew were endorphins, pumping through the human flesh. Allowing her body a few minutes to return to a less heightened state, she gently began to explore her body again.
She was a well-greased gear tonight.
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