White crystal dreams

The city is dark and rainy. I am a man in a dark trenchcoat, with dark blonde hair and perfect blue eyes. I am a spy in the resistance of a city-state kingdom in revolt. Men in leather jackets and machine guns rush past me as I spoke with a man. There is a plan to kill the Princess of the city. I know where she's going to be. We're not going to kill her at that spot- too well guarded. But there is a plan to infiltrate. To injure me and pretend I have been attacked by the resistance as they come upon me. I am a good spy, I think, and they will think I have merely been attacked. With any luck, the Princess will take me with her to her new safecastle and I will be able to work from the inside out as never before. There is a problem- the Princess does not like men like me. It's possible I might simply be sent elsewhere.

We devise a plan to use a spell or device to physically transform me, and at the same time use a duplicate. The duplicate will be mindless- I'm going to take an injury and then kill it. Theofore, the Princess will see that I have been attacked by a dark-looking man and am injured, and hopefully this will enhance my chances.

Something goes wrong.

I'm not entirely sure what happened. Maybe one of the spells was cast wrong, or someone interfered. I'm in pain. Everything hurts. My throat burns. The wet, cold cobblestone beneath me. It's dark. But I can see through bleary eyes,  the Princess is kneeling over me, trying to save me. I'm bleeding badly. I'm a young girl. My hand is small and pale. I hold it up to stare at it. Someone takes it and holds it. Their hand is warm and the warmth spreads through me, but it only makes everything out clearer in the contrast. I'm dying in the rain in the dark alleyway. The dark walls stretch upwards into the sky. My broken body lies beside me. A knife is in its chest. My eyes are empty of life, staring at me. The princess is bleeding. She is young and pretty. I find myself hoping that she doesn't die. I open my mouth, but nothing comes out. They are talking, but I cannot hear them. I black out.

I wake up in a private chamber of a safecastle. Someone is attending to me. Talking to me. I can hear her. My eyes blink open. It's the princess. She's changing my bandages. She tells me to stay down on the bed. She asks me what my name is, but I can't tell her anything. I don't say anything. I'm not sure I know what my name is. She asks me if I remember what happened, and I shake my head. She asks me if I know who I am, and I shake my head. She asks me if I can speak.. and I shake my head. There are bandages on my throat. It's possible something was damaged, possible it's mental trauma. No one's sure. She says her name is Valerie. I think it's a very pretty name, and I touch her face before I collapse into unconciousness again.

People help me. There is a man, especially. A butler, a bodyguard. An old man with tremendous gravitas but incredible gentleness. I am fed and clothed in white clothing. It is a few days before I can get out of the bed, and I manage to walk into the bathroom. I am pale, nearly white-haired with light silver eyes. I am definitely not normal. I look like an unprepared doll that someone forgot to colour. I touch my face, and then the mirror. I have bandages over my neck and all over my abdomen. There is still some pain. A kind of distant pain, in my heart and head. When I lower my hand, the princess is there. She asks me how I feel, and I smile. She asks if I feel better, and I nod. She says that I still can't speak, and I touch my throat and I suppose I look sad, because she touches my shoulder and tells me to remain confident. I don't have any way to communicate my thankfulness, so I hug her. She is surprised, but she hugs back gently.

I don't see much of her as I recover.  Not being able to talk is a blessing and a handicap. Not many people seem able to understand me, but they enjoy my facial expressions. Without my memories or former personality to guide me, my appearance and my new freedom allows me to act very gentle and "cute", and people seem to take a liking to me. It is a very free feeling, to be able to act as I want, to not speak and simply express things. They speak to me freely. The butler especially spends a great deal of time around me, keeping me moving and helping me recover. He asks me questions now and then, if I know what happened- but the answer is always no. I am no longer sure I DO know what happened. The memories are there, but hazy. And hazier each day.

I am kept within a specific portion of the safecastle, unable to explore beyond the boundaries. It is not so bad. I am brought warm food, I am allowed to sleep in the private chambers, and there is a courtyard outside that is always wet with dew. I make friends with the lowly people as best as I can. It is a new life. A good life.

One stormy night, as lightning flashes outside the stone windows, I am asked to come to the chambers of Valerie. I no longer wear bandages around my neck, and she touches the skin curiously. There is a faded scar, pale and sharp. She asks me to try to speak, and I manage some weak sounds, but it is painful and I stop. She is upset that I'm hurt and worries that my trying may have aggravated the wound. I feel very light headed and woozy, and I cough up blood. Everything goes slightly blurry. I am guided into her bed and allowed to remain there. It is an enormous bed. She talks to me as the lightning flashes, about things. She is worried, and hurt. There are forces beyond her control in the world and she cannot protect everyone. She wishes she was stronger and loved by her people. I take her hand and hold it a while. She smiles at me and thanks me. I fall asleep.

When it is morning, I pull my eyes open. The princess is practicing some kind of martial art in the bedchambers, in her pink and blue nightgown, with bandages on her hands. It is a strange sight. She thrusts her fists forward, practices stances. I get up slowly in my white nightgown and begin to mimic her. She is pleasantly surprised and slows her movements down so I can learn them. We practice in silence, her teaching me through example, me learning through mimicry. When we are done, the butler is there. Somehow he has entered without my knowing it. She is satisfied and happy. He guides me back to my chambers.

I practice alone the next day, and I do not see her. I do wish to practice with her again, but her chamber is guarded from the outside at all times, and even I am not allowed near. In the dark of the night, a man appears. A security chief, or something of similiar rank. He is in charge of protecting the Princess. He does not like me. He suspects something. He asks me questions I cannot answer, and I do not answer. He is not like the others- he presses me when I cannot answer. I shake my head no, and he asks why. The only thing stopping him from being more aggressive, I think, is the fact the wound on my neck is visible- it's possible I might genuinely be being silent because I cannot speak. He, however, thinks I can speak and choose not to.

He grabs my shoulder. It hurts. I can't protect myself against him. The butler- Gerald is his name- appears as if from nowhere. He doesn't say anything, but is simply standing behind the man where he once was not. The man notices he's there without looking, and lets me go. Gerald firmly states that I cannot speak, and cannot answer his questions. The man leaves without saying anything, sighing. Gerald gently calms me down and tells me if I could speak it would mean everything to a lot of people. The despondent look on my face moves him and he gently hugs me, then leaves me.

I cannot sleep for the rest of the night, and I walk outside as the sun rises. I begin to practice the martial arts again, barefoot in the dew. Although I cannot see it, I know that Valerie is practicing it in her room. Gerald quietly remarks to her that I am practicing outside, although he has not looked out the window. Valerie looks, and sees me. She is touched that I have continued to try to practice despite not being able to do so with her. She calls out "Ariel!" (for she has named me after a fairytale, in leiu of my having my own name) and waves, and I wave in turn.

She comes down to join me, and we practice together again. The sun rises, and we are silhouettes.

From this point on, I spend a greater amount of time with the Princess. I am allowed further access to the safecastle, and I can even walk with a guard into the open streets during the day if I so wish. I help clean and I take care of the garden and water. However, more importantly, I take care of the Princess. I am considered a handmaiden and more or less treated as one. There some who do not like me, and many who do not understand me. But most are fascinated, and at least enchanted.

Valerie has a training regimen. She is learning close combat fighting. There is an obstacle course she is being commanded to run by Gerald, one day. I am spying on them, and when she begins, I run down to Gerald and past him. I leap onto the climbing tower and begin to climb as well. Gerald, upon seeing me, only laughs. Valerie as well is happy and is filled with competitive spirit with me on her tail. She wins easily with time to spare, and comes to watch me as I topple off a tightrope into a muddy lake below. There is laughing, and she comes to help me out. I pull her in instead and there is much playful wrestling.

I venture into town to purchase sweets and bread, once. I am also being allowed to buy new clothing of my own. While walking, I run into a man in dark leather clothing. He bumps into me and apologizes, then stares at me as I stumble by. He knows me. I was supposed to do something. I stare back at him like a doe in headlights. His gaze is angry and intense. I turn around and I see an alleyway. A dark alleyway, with walls going up forever. It is raining and I am bleeding. I collapse, and must be carried back.

When I wake, there is an argument being held. Being carried back in broad daylight was very bad for stealth. I am accused, and being defended. In the end, the accuser, the security chief simply walks away from the argument. I open my eyes and look questioningly at Valerie, who sighs. She tells me not to worry about it- that she trusts me, and that it is her say what will happen to me. She touches my face and moves my hair away. She asks me what happened.

I exhale and touch my eyes, then the bed. My eyes are cast upwards, and then I reach out and close my eyes. She takes my hand and holds it warmly. She knows that I relived that moment of death. She knows I am hurting, and she stays with me as much as she can during the day. Gerald watches over me when she is not there. He talks to me- tells me about Valerie. Some things she's already told me and he doesn't know. Some things are about himself. He is an uncle, and would be King. Possibly IS the ruling king, since Valerie is not of age to be Queen, but the reality is that she gives the shots and he works behind the scenes.

I want to know why they trust me. Why? I do not deserve that trust. A part of me knows that I have betrayed them since before we ever met. I don't know how, but I know I have done wrong. It is hard to make things connect. The return of the dark man pulled stitches across the borders of my memories-pulling a forgotten, dark life back into the light.

Life returns to normal once again. Valerie and I practice much more often now, and more physically. Our morning training often involves repetitious exchanges of stances and counter-stances, without hitting. We are taught judo and train with each other. At one point our spar dissolves into a light wrestling match and I somehow end up straddling her, and Gerald tells me to go for a grapple. I sort of lower myself onto her and gently hug her, and there is a quiet moment of "awwww" from the people watching. She is smiling. Then she flips me onto my back and counter straddles me, and there is a tense moment. She leans down and presses lightly against me. I tie my hands around her neck and smile at her. For a few seconds, she and I are the only people in the room. Her eyes are bright and blue and beautiful. She is happy. We remember people are watching and the training ends for the day.

There is a big dinner to be held. I am to be formally introduced to a lot of important people as a new handmaiden and bodyguard to the Princess. I help make food until it is time for me to be introduced, and then I come out from behind a curtain. I am wearing a very beautiful dress and I am barefoot. People are amused and curious about me. Many people try to talk to me, but food is called before a painful scene of my inability to respond is forced. The princess has called for food to head off this. As we are seated, I see a flash of a dark man in the kitchen doorway. He is dressed as a chef. Is it me? No. I almost seize up, but I manage to avoid causing a scene. Our food is served, I don't touch it. Valerie touches my thigh underneath the table and looks at me concerned. I grab her arm and look at the food and shake my head vigorously. There is fear and panic on my face.

She knows what I am afraid of. What I know. The food is poisoned! Or drugged. She asks me in a hushed whisper, and I nod. She looks stricken. There are sounds of groans and panic from the far end of the table. She'd already snuck a bite in before they were served. She begins to drift and I catch her before she collapses. Gerald, too, is stumbling and trying to remain awake, but the drugs in the f ood are too powerful for even him, and he is forced to his knees, unable to act.

Men rise from the tables. There is sound of fighting in the distance. The safecastle is being attacked. The few people who have not taken their food yet are quickly forced at gunpoint to have a few bites. All except me. The dark man in leather walks out of the kitchen with more men. Tables are thrown aside. I am alone before them. I take a protective stance in front of Valerie.

I am to be congratulated. They weren't sure I was still with them after what happened, but my scene on the street was a perfect way to keep my cover and allow them to track the guard back to the safecastle, knowing I was with the Princess. Now it was time for me to step aside. I can say nothing. He gauges my reaction, and says a word. A name. I am clearly effected and relax my stance, taking a step forward in a sort of daze. My hair darkens, and my eyes close. When I open them, they are blue. There is a power within me. It cries for a voice.

I deny it. My eyes turn back to silver, and I resume my protective stance. The man is unhappy, but appears to genuinely care and show concern. I am not reacting the way I should. He knows something is wrong. He orders his men to put down their guns and capture me. They try to melee me, but I use my newfound martial arts to knock them around. They grow frustrated, brutal. I take hits. The man barks at them to not use force, but time grows pressing. There is blood on the floor. A man tries to grab the princess desperately, but I kick him away. He falls to floor screaming.

They have no more time. The man in charge levels his gun at me and orders me to step aside. I shake my head silently, the world blurry. There is a flash of gunfire. I am bleeding again. I collapse on the floor. There is blood spreading before me.

Once more, I wake up in a bed, but only briefly. Gerald is there. A man steps into the room with a force of men and orders me to be removed from the bed and taken with him. There is shouting and yelling, but it is done and I am dragged slowly away and down.

I am in a cell. I am wounded and in pain. I curl up in a corner, legs against my chest, arms around my legs. I don't know what's going on and I'm afraid and hurt.

Valerie is outside the cell. She is distant-sounding. The Security chief has reason to believe I am a spy and traitor. I shake my head vigorously. She wants to believe me. I know she does, and she says so. But the chief has evidence. I cannot defend myself. She doesn't want to believe.. but she can't do anything. Her voice is quiet and cold. She feels betrayed. She is considering that I might be a lie. In my heart, I know she may be right. I can only silently begin to cry. She turns and begins to walk away. There is a force within me that screams.

I cry out. "Valerie!" My voice is so clear. So pained. She stops in her tracks. I can see a force rolling through her body, trembling. Ariel?, she asks.

I drop to my knees, clutching my throat, holding onto the bars. Fire surges through my body. Pain. I can't stand it. Valerie is there, kneeling with me, touching my face through the bars. She is crying. My eyes are going cold and distant. Ariel, she says. Stay with me. Stay with me. I cannot. I fall onto my side on the cold floor of the cell.

She orders me released immediately. The guard protests. There is fire in her voice that I have never heard before. The guard cowers and obeys. She picks me up herself and carries me back to a bed herself. The chief barges in, angrier than he has ever been before.  He calls her stupid and naive. I am a fool. They don't know what happened, they have people claiming I am a spy, and have only my SILENCE to prove my innocence.

Gerald appears from the doorway, looking old. He quietly says that he was awake to see what happened himself. He says that I was not simply shot when I was no longer useful. I had been spoken to, given the chance to walk away.

Triumph reigned in the chief's face, and despair began to creep into Valerie's eyes.

Gerald took a deep breath, and told them that I had chosen to protect the princess despite facing down a dozen guns. That I had fought and fought, sacrificing my chance at life to protect her, until one of them had shot me, and it was my efforts that delayed them enough until the guards could arrive. My sacrifice saved the princess, and I lay dying in the bed for it, and the Chief would not speak another word of my loyalty if he wanted to ever speak again.

The Chief had nothing to say to that, and only turned and left the room with a shocked expression on his face. Shock and fear, in such an angry, decisive man.

Ariel, she said. She held my hand. I looked upon her face. She gently leaned forward and kissed me on the lips, and then held me. I held her in turn. For now, everything was going to be okay. She pulled away to smile at me, and then gasped.

One of my eyes was a clear blue.